I was the most frustratingly awkward human to wake up on this Earth.
It’s better now but that doesn’t mean I don’t get awkward, just less. Even today, I’d rather watch as people talk when we are in a closed group than to be the one talking, that means the limelight is on me. But ironically, I loveeee public speaking and I’m pretty good at it. I can speak on a stage before thousands of people but no, I do not want to be the one speaking in a closed group, weird much?
When I was younger, especially during my secondary school days, it was bad. I know we all went through that phase because hey adolescence! but I was the typical Wattpad novel awkward teen with body image issues and lack of confidence. I couldn’t look people in the eye, not even a newborn.
I couldn’t speak to people straight and guys??? Shoot me please. I get wobbly kneed when passing a group of guys… who may be 2 junior boys.
I get nervous talking to the ladies too, I feel like they are always forming opinions and passing judgements about my self and body and my awkwardness which made me more nervous and therefore more awkward.
I know you are tired of the word but I can’t help it. I never wanted to be noticed among the crowd, the limelight was my enemy but that was kind of hard for the second tallest girl in the whole set so I always stood tall, but somehow made sure I was never seen, just seen through.
I think that was when I developed my reading habit. Books saved me when nothing else was looking bright. Thank you books, I love you too.
I hated mingling with others (still kind of do), I conversed with myself (still very much do), I craved alone time (still do), I’d rather listen than speak (Same even now, except when it’s in writing) but at least, I don’t get awkward around people and around men because, well, they are men…nothing special ( full disclosure: I don’t get as awkward)
Today, some things considered normal make me cringe, some conversations make me want to run, some people make me nervous, I still don’t know how to react many times and I still don’t like being among people but am I very awkward? Sometimes, but it’s better now.