So during Eid, I usually assume the role of mai gashi at home. I am the Mallam Mai Suya. I organise the grills, get the beef, slice it into the layers, make the marinate and get to work. (The boys do their afterwards but it’s so basic).

I usually try to be as innovative as possible. My grills are good but last years was a bomb! Literally, it pops in your mouth; a surprisingly juicy mix of pepper, sweet and savory.

It was so nice that a neighbor of ours had a taste, excused himself and came back with ram thighs (I’m going to start charging for this ish).

Anyway, I decided; What’s the harm in oppressing my people online with some mouth watering pictures of what they can only see but not taste (food network always does that to me anyway). I have since gotten recipe requests but the hoarder that I am was unable to let go.
So here we are, finally, a blog post spilling the juice. I hope you try and give me feedback.

Ingredients

-Open fire (optional)Okay you can use a skillet, or double sided pan or conventional oven or an electric grill but know that the fume of open fire and the graze of smoke adds immeasurably to the taste. It’s a secret ingredient of mine 😉

-Beef Sliced into thin layers

-Onions

-Garlic

-Pepper (attarugu)

-Rosemary, celery, oregano, mint

-Paprika

-Little honey

-Curry, Ginger

-My moms yaji (special ingredient)

-Soy Sauce

-Vinegar

-Salt and Maggi

RECIPE

Pulse the onions, ginger and herbs and pour into a bowl. Add maggi, salt, paprika powder, vinegar, and soy sauce. Pour oil into mixture.

Put two spoons of honey. Sprinkle ginger and some curry. Chop celery, rosemary and oregano and mix everything.

Dip beef slices into bowl and press in the mixture. Let it marinate and keep aside. Do same for the rest and let the marinate seep in.

Marinated beef

Place beef evenly on grill over open fire and turn after every six minutes. Let it grill slowly for about thirty minutes.

So here. I feel like I just let a huge skeleton out of my closet so make it worth it by recreating this recipe and sharing your taste buds experience with pictures .

See you next time.

Being broke means seeing the world in a different light. You think my mouth waters when I see that yummy picture of tantalizingly amazing looking burger? It doesn’t, I simply fail to see the tantalizational part of it, it’s black and white till my pocket can afford it; being broke dims the senses that need stuff.

I have different types of broke;

  • Posh broke- I may not have much money but I know I’ve got some assets tucked in there for rainy days so if push comes to shove, we balling.
  • Slow broke- I have money in my account but I have to manage it because it’s just 9th January and January has 366 days in a year and emergencies can come up.
  • Orange broke- I don’t have much money but I’m expecting plenty from different sources soon so let’s roll. I’m on orange light before it turns green.
  • Broke- I have little money. I can’t but something substantial, I know that my Lord will never let me suffer so I just dash it out so I can reach the ultimate level of…
  • Broke broke- Bam! No way to go. That’s it. Red light. Dime-less.

My biggest problem when I’m broke is that everything buy-able starts looking appealing and the need to buy that thing springs up from nowhere but I can’t because my bank account is against my buying progression.

Being broke is bad, being a broke girl is annoying. Even though you know that you have something to eat (except you live alone or y’all jointly broke), but there are things a girl just wants to buy.

Most (if not all) of us have our obsessions which may be fixed or may vary with time. For example I love skincare and haircare products and if I have money, maybe all of it will go there. I love clothes, I love salty snacks (Pizza dem) and food and well… my money goes there. And pringlessss…

Now when I’m broke even buying pringles involves calculation; 2+2=4-1 thats…., then shi’s real.

My list will be looking like. ‘WHEN I GET MONEY I’LL GET’; 

-Piggy bank

-Fixed deposit account 

-Adashe

-Invest

-Buy gold

-Start forex trading

-Keep money in my old wallet and intentionally forget it😂 (ain’t happening)

Money comes and list legit flies out of brain. Sigh.

How many times have you searched through that bag in hopes of getting that 1000 naira you may have forgotten 3 years ago? Hah!

When you are broke, your powder will conspire with other cosmetics and they’ll start finishing. They won’t even finish at once, it’s one by one so that with each “made in china’ you are reminded of the shallowness of your pockets. 

And as fate will have it, when I’m broke is  when I’ll start seeing pictures of all the things my heart tilts towards; a shiny bottle of 24k gold ampoule, bubble face mask, argan hair mask😭, sleek Nova hair straightener, a classy gown (which I promptly screenshot and tuck away in a corner of my heart, most likely never to be sown, ever), and all the works. And I can’t buy them. 

That’s when I wonder why in the name of eveything beautiful did these goodies not appear when my bank balance was higher.

It is when you are broke that your friends will now have money. Shu?

And that’s when they will think it’s a grand idea to go for an outing, and to a costly restaurant nonetheless. I mean fam! Did they send you? At that point, your brain will start spinning excuses but you remember they are your friends and they were all broke 5days ago so … good bye on your outing. This nigga will netflix and chill!

Being broke no dey show for face. I definitely won’t wear rags even if I’m at edge of absolute destitution so when you tell people you are broke, they find it hard to believe because apparently ‘you don’t look it’. What’s the colour of broke now? Ribs, bones, cracked lips and snot? I be broke but I still be queening like

When you are broke, people who are even broker than you will now start looking for bashi. What will I borrow you my darling? My lungs? 

if you don’t relate to more than half of this then you don’t know broke, boy bye.

If you relate, let’s form a support group, Broke Nigressess Action Group (the action part is an irony).

What are your broke girl problems?