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With all the things happening today from politics to religion to the society to economics to marriage to education, it is to be expected that everyone will have an opinion on everything. 

The problem arises not when people have varying opinions (that’s a good thing), it is when people decide to voice out those opinions at the same time, all trying to scream above the others din in order to be heard. It makes you wonder, is it to seem relevant and intelligent or to just communicate.

In the society it is very easy to judge people based on what they say especially when their point doesn’t tally with that of the majority, they are automatically seen as wrong.

In the society it is automatically wrong for you to even breath once someone of your religion or ethnicity or state does wrong because he is your kin and you are vicariously just as much a culprit.

In the society (some parts) as a woman you should learn to voice out your opinions only when you are in a room by yourself, and even then, hush it down will you?

In the society saying what you mean makes you fake and a wannabe and automatically you are in an intellectual competition with others and you don’t even know it.

Bottomline, in the society today, you always wonder when to speak or not to speak!

Now speaking is not a problem, WHAT YOU SAY is a problem. You honestly just can’t say anything you feel like because not everything you say matters. Some things make sense in your head but in reality they are rubbish. ‘Think before you speak’ is honestly the most underrated thing.

If it’s unnecessary, keep shut.

If it’s fruitless, don’t.

If it will cause alarm, soften it.

If you aren’t sure, be sure first.

HOW? When you decide to let your tongue race without control and you untactically say all the things that come to you everywhere to everyone, then you have signed up for it.

If it’s offensive, tune it down, use examples.

If it’s harsh, use euphemism. 

If it’s rude, then you are wrong.

If you are riled, calm down.

Talk calmly and with intelligence in passing your message across, don’t just spurt out anything you feel like carelessly, it’s rude.

WHEN? Which time do you choose to speak? Do you tell people the truth or what you think when they are hurting or most sensitive or when they are much calmer and ready to see reason? The former should be.

TO WHOM? If the recipient is not a person of understanding, hold your peace (avoid dragging things to forever, it irritates). When you realize that no matter how calm or tactical you are the person will vehemently never see reason because he isn’t in the discussion in order to learn but in order to ‘win’, then you are just wasting your time and reducing your intellectual potential with something not productive.

Choose the calibre of people to talk to about certain things. You can’t come to a purely Muslim community and preach to them about accepting homosexuality because it is not in their orientation same way you can’t go to a western community and preach them on polygamy. If they don’t want to hear leave them alone! If they don’t want to accept and it hurts no one leave them alone!

WHY? Are you speaking up for clout? For validation even in things you don’t believe? 

If no one cares, don’t. If your reasons are mischievous and not noble don’t. So why are you speaking?

Your RIGHT? Recently, a Professor with degrees in Psychology and International Law and certification in Ethics who has taught Prime minister and presidents and… said that you should know when to defend your right and when to surrender it. Defending your right may do you more harm than actually letting it be so that you can tackle the situation more tactically.

SOCIAL MEDIA has turned us into unempathetic beings, we feel like because we are behind the screens and because we can’t see the people we are directing our wordings at physically, we hurt no one when we speak. Why do you think suicide is on the rise now? Directly or indirectly social media has many things to do with it.

Use the tool of globally reaching out to people wisely and not oppressively or carelessly.

All said and done, I am all for speaking up. I am all for expression and saying your mind. I’m all for watching and observing and laying your observations to the table. I’m all for not keeping things bottled up but in this world where everyone is sensitive, you must not be insensitive about it. Talk only when not talking causes more harm than good, talk only when needed to, talk only when it causes more good than harm, speak up, but do it right!.

Honestly that confuses me too. I dream for myself a good life, I never dream small. Inference: I dream for myself a big good life and that requires happiness, contentment and money so I look for it the halal way because I believe that if it’s haram, remove contentment out of the picture.

Sometimes all I think about is how to make more money, be financially independent, make enough to explore the world so when I’m in that phase, I’m all money, money, money.  But some people don’t appreciate that, to them, I just love money too much and it’s unhealthy… especially for a girl (how my gender has anything to do with that baffles me) because apparently guys are intimidated by rich ladies. Okay!

When people ask me why I want to make money or what I’ll do with it I always say it’s because I want to be comfortable.

I want to be able to do stuff for myself without begging for it. I want to give out to others, I want to buy what I want without fear of running dry. I want to live knowing I can sustain myself and those around me for a while without running out.

I want to travel placessss; Italy, France, Beverly Hills, Qatar. 

I don’t want to live in rented places,I want to own it. I want to just halal-own my stuff. Is that me being over-ambitious or realistic “especially for a girl”.

People say ‘kadan mai albarka’ meaning ‘a few blessed coins’ but how about ‘plenty blessed coins’. Islam said nothing about having many properties except the fact that you must account for it and that is scary yes but better to have a good account Alhamdulillah than the other option.

They say you shouldn’t be too ambitious, you are not married and I’m just even taking baby steps now, what will happen when I decide to soar?  I’m sorry if my quest for a good life is off-putting to you but you either join forces or stay away because I’m not putting my life on hold nor will I hibernate my dreams. I mean it’s one life for Allah’s sake, why so uptight?

They say you shouldn’t be more ambitious than your husband but now that isn’t my fault is it. Besides I think my ambition is standard I’m just willing to push it where many aren’t. So if my husband-whosoever that may be- is or wishes to make it in that aspect of life then fine, let’s keep moving, but if he doesn’t, just support me and don’t stand on the way. As long as you try, I’ll appreciate it. 

Besides in case I’m richer than my husband, he will never ever know it. I know how the ego of men work and to make peace reign, unless it is unavoidable, you are richer. I’m not one to flaunt money and wealth, I’m one to use it.

Finally, money is NOT everything. It’s not even half of everything in life honestly so if I put so much effort in making money, then that means I put more effort in making other things work. So why is this one now chucking your eye?