There are some things that only single girls, those who were single for a long time, or those who are in a single relationship (they think they are in a relationship but in reality, they single) will understand. It is very interesting being single… very.

When you are single single, and you reject a man, he seems to think he is rejected because of (insert silly reasons). So because their ego has phobia of unexplained rejection they decide to either pump reasons out of you or create their own which is mostly along the lines of: ‘she wants a wealthy man’, she’s doing ruwan ido’, ‘she’s too ambitious’, ‘she has being carried away by material things of the world’ meanwhile it’s not she, it’s you.

Unmarried ladies can never be in and round up university and maintain their chastity. This stereotype is even scary because what in the world will give you the idea that generalizing something this preposterous is a good idea? How can you even sleep knowing you are such a bulldozer? How you lead your life isn’t necessarily how others do.

If she’s single at the age of 23, she is because she just wants to be, because she’s just being too choosy. Is she trying to say that all of the men who approached her are not fit for her? Uhmmm, yes?

Single lady= runs girl. Do you know how hard it is to carry Armadillo on the leg of small chops by getting all the gubernatorial jambites out? Then you feel like here is the national gem inside foreign grandma converter towards some serious antagonising yahoo yahoo. Good. This makes sense right? That’s how the brains of the people who think single ladies translate to runs girls work.

Too pretty to be single… I laugh in ready to mingle. Can I just say that for some, their looks have nothing to do with it. Nothing.

She’s single, therefore she’s looking for a boyfriend. No fam! Some are single and not looking. Some are not looking because they want to rest. Some want to rest because they are just out a very emotionally draining relationship and they need time to regain their perspective.

You don’t have to be in an unyielding relationship all the time and when some relationships don’t work you want to heal and not jump on the next ship carelessly like an untrained pirate.

Single and above 25? They start introducing you to married men because apparently you don’t have much time and even lesser choice. It is so unattractively sad and funny at the same time when people try to rub off their insecurities on you.

Single= Unhappy. Allow me the privilege of being the first to break the news. Once you are NOT in any relationship because of Allah and because you know what you are doing, then you can never be unhappy about that. You could choose to just go with the next offer which may lead you to a wrong path but the companionship be damned, you choose to remain alone and wait for the right one, that is the decision made by one who is smart and decisive and happy about it.

Single= an invitation to treaty. It’s like you have created a job opening so that all those Aunts who have sons who are not very famous with the ladies or who know someone whose character is repugnant and the medicine to such repugnancy is apparently ‘to marry’ will start sending application letters. After all, they are doing you a favor.

Being a single lady for a long time means you like girls instead. How else will they explain to their egos that you just don’t like them. As preposterous as that sounds I swear some people (of both genders) auto assume that… as utterly absurd as it may sound.

Are you single and all your friends are either in serious relationships or married? How do they talk to you? In a ‘you won’t understand’ way because single =dunce. 

But when things get sour, they bring their problems to you for advice because interestingly, the single ones are the best advisers. And you have to keep smiling and downplaying the spouse or boyfriends faults and the whole issue  because you know that in 2 hours time they’ll be back and if you take it too serious, you’ll be the monster trying to come between lovers because you are miserable in your singleness… even though all you wanted to do when you were listening to their complains was get a good book, go to the beach chilled drink at hand and sip, and read.. but well.

Even though you are comfortable in your singleness, you also love company but you don’t want all the roller coaster processes that’s attached to getting into and maintaining a relationship (you just want a drama-free life; courtship inclusive) so you just want to just fast forward and appear on your wedding day to find that you are marrying the man of your dreams with all other things as colourful memories. But then you remember you are in reality and the whole procedure seems too daunting it makes you weak, lazy and you prefer to just sleep.

How do you react to physical illnesses? Do you ignore physical pain, tell your loved one to ‘man it up’ when he has a killer headache, decide to treat yourself when you have diabetes? Or do you go to the hospital and seek professional help.

Now how do you react to psychological diseases? Are you aware that mental illness do as much harm to you and your body as the physical and many physical pain are in fact, a manifestation of the pain that is lodged up in your brain seeking a way to get noticed and treated.

Mental health awareness, in developing countries especially, is just gaining momentum after wreaking harm for years unattended.

Recently in Nigeria there is an appalling surge in the number of suicide and suicidal attempts, murder of spouses, relatives and strangers, terrorism activities and other life threatening acts. Are you aware that over 70% of these acts can be attributed directly (as in the case of suicide) or indirectly (as in the case of terrorist attacks) on mental ill health.

Psychopaths, sociopaths, people with borderline personality disorders and other personality disorders walk, work and live among us (they might even be us), but the lack of awareness on the signs to watch out for and when to get help can make the disorders worse to the point of making them dangerous in the society.

Depression spreads it’s tentacles far and wide, more so because it has found a suitable environment for growth in Nigeria fed by lack of awareness, shunning, pressure, frustration stemming from work, home, marriage life, studies or standard of living.

The lack of empathy makes it that much harder for patients to reach out and the stigma makes it worse when it comes to seeking help. But no one has ever stigmatized people for seeking help with cancer, so why is cancer of the mind any different?

What we need to understand is that mental diseases are diseases like any. What we need people to know is that having them is okay and seeking help is an act of courage. What we need from people is to research, know about the importance of mental health and what to watch out for, know the many different personalities and disorders, observe the people around them and give them a should when they need it.

Because your mental well-being means so much more than you think. It means the world.

I want to lose weight but I don’t want to hear the mention of exercise, dietary changes, portion control, surgery or any non-surgical procedure, starvation, or any slimming tea that cannot work within 4days of use and cannot prevent the recurrence of fat. In other words, I need to lose weight by doing one magical thing once to make the extra fat disappear never to appear again.

One concept (out of many) brought by the white man that I do not appreciate is that of ‘fat’ culture. Fat girls used to be the divas in Africa. But no! The white people zoomed in and said ‘hey, see those bunch of chubby happy people, let’s go call them fat and try to make them miserable’, all because of what? So that I’ll stop eating fried meat? Lai lai.

What is fat to me maybe not be fat to you. My definition of a fat person is completely different from that of the white man who categorizes people as either anorexic or obese. What they don’t know is that all those ‘fat girls’ who get bullied in high school are normal in weight over here. 

Anyway, as a fat girl everywhere (and I use the adjective ’fat’ with so much fondness), problems unique to your body size tend to arise. For example the extra awareness of body mass and the space it takes, especially when you want to take public transport and the only spot available is one between two fat women (I hardly see fat men in public transport), and you have to squeeze your own fat to join them, and they just mash you to one side, you literally feel your own fatness getting rolled like dough, that’s when you’ll know fat is elastic.

How many of you can’t climb Okada because you feel like the tire will burst, the Okada will not move and your side will slowly go down while the driver goes up until your weight under-balances the whole thing and the driver falls off. I have a friend who has this as a phobia.

Let’s talk about image. Wearing clothes can be easy enough before you look in the mirror, that’s when you start to find everything wrong with it. From the fitting to the bust to the waist to hips, you might take it back to the tailor to shape the waist because it will look better and by the time the clothes are back, you can’t fit in them. Reality check: our waists are layered, what did you expect?

I usually look at myself in the mirror each morning to monitor my belly’s activities. Are you getting rounder, flabbier or flatter? And when that slimming tea I’ve been taking for two days whispers ‘flatter’ to me, I see that my stomach has shrunk and I yelp in joy. My 20k slimming tea is working. It will take 5 days for me to realise I was just sucking in my stomach. My 20k wasted. And I’m like…

Slimming teas are stupid something. As a novice, I advise you to maintain. Do not start using those things if you will go to work, school, bank and definitely not market because it will turn your stomach into a craze house. Make sure you will be at home for the 30 rounds to the toilet to come. One will think with all those trips your stomach will touch your back after one bag of tea. Instead, it’s like you have just shited out your intestines but the fat dey gan.

When you feel like you are ill and you google what it means to have itching fingernails, hard feet, rumbling stomach and fat thighs and they tell you that one of the diseases has symptoms such as Weight loss and you are like ‘Well, the disease doesn’t sound so bad’ even though another symptom is dimentia. But then you are stupid.

When you are ill for days and you lose 5kg and everyone is lamenting how the sickness has taken a toll on your fat and you are also nodding with a sober expression but inside you are jumping and screaming in happiness. You don’t mind if the illness will eat up all the excess fat without making you feel sick.

But then you get better, and you start making up for all your lack of eating. And now you eat 2 big indomie and still feel hungry instead of one. You can literally feel the Kg add up till you are fatter than you were. It’s annoying that all that sickness and nothing to show. 

Stop watching reality shows, movies, cartoons, news and TV if you want to maintain your sanity in a world that celebrates and rewards slim. They’ll just remind you of your extra weight every minute because their fine is characterized by being weightless while yours is not but sometimes you forget that. The Kardashians will make you want to get a waist trainer to slim it in but it’s a lie, it wasn’t waist trainers and exercise, it was surgery. Nigerians die during Liposuction, be warned, case study: Former First Lady.

What fits the goose might not fit the gander. My skinny friends and sisters can eat 50 tonnes of fat loaded food and never gain an ounce (witchcraft and wizardry), I dream about eating cucumber, I have gained 23KG. And then once you start eating junk after a diet, forget that thing, you are broken rollercoaster, you must go all the way and then some. Your eyes will become a scale and as every bite of juicy goodness hits your stomach, your KH has upped but you can’t stop. Don’t worry, perks of being a great person.

Even disney princesses are slim. The fattest is Tiana who is black and no more fatter than my thin sister… and she still has flat tummy. They make it feel like we can’t find our Prince Charming. Just because you can’t run and hug our prince charming without toppling him over and suffocating him and we can’t be carried bridal style expect Prince charming is a weight lifter (in that case Prince Charming will want to make you start gyming, it’s a trap), doesn’t mean our happily ever afters will be less beautiful.

I, for one have grown so much fond of my fat. It’s my shock absorber. I’m less shocked at turn of events or actions of people than slimmer people who lack the padding to absorb the shock before it reaches their heart. Plus it takes more effort to break my heart because my heart lies on a pillow within. I think that’s why fat people have better sense of humor and are more sarcastic.

I’m not fat to the point of being unhealthy… Thank God. And I don’t advise anyone to be, if you are please do something about it. I try to keep fit by walking and strolling and that’s why I can cover more distances on foot than many. I’m just an average Jane who, in a sea of thin, hungry looking people looks not chubby, but fat. So I’m not a ‘not-healthy’ advocate. I just want to rock my flabs in peace, and I’m addressing my number one critic- Me.

I have more. Maybe will share it in part 2. 

What are you fat girl problems?

Disclaimer- The writer writes to connect, to be relatable, to be a home for people who might just not have the right avenue to vent. This is in no way depicting my everyday life. I am not bemoaning a condition or anything serious. This is real life issues on a light note and I shouldn’t be explaining my writeups but well…

Guest Submission by Bashirat Abdulwahab

If you know what you do well enough, chances are that you can go 2 hours or more talking or speaking about it. If this is true to you then here are the 4 reasons why you should write a book or share your story:

1.Every successful person I know does this. Yes the Tony Robbins, the Gary Vs, the Chimamandas and the Oprahs of the world do this. It is why you know them. Hence, how else would you have experienced any of them or even know they exist if they didn’t expand their reach by writing books?

Have you thought about this: how did Chimamanda become a household name in Africa? 

2.People are hungry for knowledge: it’s the information age bruh, and people are hungry for knowledge. But your information only makes sense if it can help make their lives easier and better. 

3.Thought leadership authority: did you know that writing a book is a passport to becoming an authority in your profession?

4.Passive income: everyone wants to make more money but no one wants to do the work so hard. Writing and publishing a book is one of the smartest ways to make great passive income that I know.

Writers Bio

Bashirat Abdulwahab

Bashirat Abdulwahab is a trained journalist turned helping practitioner, social entrepreneur and trainer with competencies in neuro linguistic programming, emotional intelligence, mental health first aid, community development and psychosocial work. She’s the founder of Hands for Life (a social enterprise with the sole of empowering the minds and hands for vulnerable Africans), and The Purple Network For Muslimah (a rehabilitation and self development platform for Muslim girls and women of all colour.

She’s a published author with 3 books under her belt and also teaches aspiring authors to do same. Her next title – Dispossessed is set to be published in October 2019. 

She lives in the capital city of Abuja, Nigeria with her two adorable sons and you can find her and her work on various social media platforms through the following handles:
IG & Twitter: @thebashirat, @thebatv, @hands_4life @soulsetmuslimah 

Submitted by Aisha Hamza

  I arrived at Tara’s apartment a little past eight p.m. She enveloped me in a warm hug and led me to the lavishly set dinning area where candle lights were competing with porcelain dishes . Sitting down, I allowed my eyes roam on the body hugging sequined dress that flattered Tara’s beautiful body. I might just propose tonight.

  Tara excused herself and went into the kitchen. Suddenly something moved from the shadows and surfaced in form of Tiara. She didn’t give me time to recover from my shock as she said “long time no see Ayo”. There was no way my ex from hell was sitting across from me. Too shocked to say a word, beads of perspiration gathered on my forehead.

“Tiara, I see you’ve met Ayo already” It was Tara’s honeyed voice. What in the world was going on? I mused. Tiara flashed Tara a smile. 

    “Ayo, this is my twin sister Tiara”. The universe must be playing tricks on me. “Remember the two girls on the night of the 27th, 2008. Your boys and you. Remember the rape Ayo”?
It was Tiara speaking.
I looked up and saw Tara holding a gun. “It’s payback time Ayo”. Smiling, she pulled the trigger. 

This story was written as an entry to the Flash Fiction contest hence the theme but unfortunately, due to technical issues, it was not received.

Writers Bio

Aisha Hamza

Aisha Hamza is an ardent and growing creative writer who is passionate about stringing words together. She is a poetic soul with the pen of a word artist and hopes that some day,her name would be written in gold amongst a legion of renowned writers.